The silent breeze of the autumn winds gently stirred my hair, letting the fresh air of the colorful season brush by my forehead. Strolling through nature always gave me a feel of lively- ness. I was strolling home from a long day at school, which had mercifully come to an end.
The joyous sound of a multitude of jubilant birds shared my feelings of the relief that it was finally the weekend. Colors of red and gold littered the surface of the earth, letting off a subtle crunching noise that gave my unhurried stride a harmonious noise. Golden leaves danced and fluttered, cascading downwards to join the floor of color and beauty.
I should have noticed how quiet it was, too quiet. The breeze was a stranger breathing down my back, the crunching of the leaves were superimposed with the splashing noise of afternoon autumn puddles. All this bore down on me menacingly. The path seemed to hypnotize me, its rhythmic pattern of sound leading me on and on, until I was indiscreetly cornered. This was the feeling that scattered throughout my bones; the feeling that I was not alone.
At the time I foolishly couldn’t have cared less. There was not a car in sight, the steady hum of a lawnmower in the distance, the song of the bluebird, and the harmonious patter of my stride was all my ears could perceive. I very nearly floated away in my thoughts like the gentle breeze which soothingly shook the elegant branches back and forth, back and forth, back and... then out of the blue, a noise from not four feet away to my right, blasted my thoughts into millions of pieces causing my startled heart jump a foot. For a moment the world seemed to stand still. The orderliness buzz ceased like a dog being muzzled, the power button being hit. The only sound to apprehend was the steady beat of my heart which drummed through my body.
The sound was but a crunch of autumn leaves, coming from so close it was like a firework going off by my foot, exploding in slow motion as it triggered my brain to go ecstatic alert signals flashing violently throughout my body. My head swiveled in the direction my whole body stiff as stone. The menacing figure stood rigid and deathly only just shy of arm reach, her eyes dark and unmoving as they closed in on mine. Her shadowy face seemed to leap out at me as she steadily held her gaze. I held my breath for what seemed an eternity, then all I could think was, “Oh deer.” She then completely ignored me and returned to her task of devouring a fresh clump of grass, then trotted off leaving me completely dumbstruck.
10 comments:
That twist ending was so great! My nerves were completely on edge, and then.... ha! Loved it! My favorite line is "The breeze was a stranger breathing down my back" - a perfect metaphor for creating the tone of terror!
I just want to know what the deer was thinking. Like it saw the fear in your eyes and was like, “I’m really that scary?” Later that week I bet it died because it tried to scare a mountain lion.
That was great. I loved the ending and did not expect that. I was on edge till the ending made me laugh. Nice job.
This was incredibly detailed, had very vast vocabulary, and had many figures of speech. I loved how you included lots of background information and lead up to this big reveal, which turned out to not be a big danger. This is definitely one of my favorite posts here!
Thus is amazing. I hate walking by myself when there is nobody around anywhere...honestly it’s just a heart attaché waiting to happen.
I love the personification in this! It really helps add to the suspense of the story. The contrast of the birds and the emotions the main character is feeling really helped add to the story. It's awesome how you built up the suspense and then turns out it's only a deer. This actually reminds me of my own fear writing, we used alot of the same ideas and stuff.
This is totally splendid! I love the way you use words to make the deer sound scarier.
Noice story dude
I love this! Through out the whole story, you’re sitting on the edge of your seat, waiting for whatever is coming next, and then it’s like, PLOT TWIST, and it is only a deer. Fantastic job!
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