A Lifelong Marathon

It always happens. Every. Single. Night. Without fail, and I just cannot, for the life of me, get it to stop. I've tried everything, but does any of it work? No, of course not. It never works for me, I get no help because I refuse to let it happen. Why can't I just let it go? Why do I do this to myself? To be honest, it's not just the night. It's constant. I can never run from it, no matter how much I want too. It's not something you can just escape from, we all learn that eventually. Some learn sooner than others.

 I don't even remember a time when I wasn't having to constantly deal with this. I just didn't have as much to deal with. At most, all it was was an ignorant bliss. As you get bigger, so do your problems. Back then, I thought there was just a big, scary monster under my bed. Now, there's monsters everywhere I look and I can't even get away from them when I close my eyes.

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She had been surrounded. There was no help for her. She made the decision to not fight, it was her choice. Instead, she chose to find a distraction; in her case, multiple distractions. She found solace in cheap booze and any drug she could find. It's surprising to see how many people would give a teenager liquor and a quick light. Not once did she go to her family and friends. Her thoughts blinded her, their words never reached her ears and hugs were meaningless. She couldn't run any longer. Soon, there weren't any thoughts at all and this time, when she closed her eyes, the monsters weren't there. For the first time, they never did return to her.